burning up for BLOOOD
by pilotte
Summary: an average girl out of da ordinary falls in love wit our fav Joe jonas lookaloike-EDWART CULLEN!
1. Chapter 1

**HEY YALL IF YUR SICK OF CRAP TWIFICS DEN CHECK DIS OUT OK!! dis is da story of a girl who discovurs her true familey and maybe love on da way too!!EDWART CULLEN FOEVAH**

Hey yaALL Helena Oceania here, be4 I intruduce myself I start my storey I wana tel u ( d readders) s litllt bit abut myself, Helena. I woz born in an orphanage I never knew my parents I woz abandoned at birth in a cemetery in d middle of d nite, I was only found by a kindly passerby who saw me crying saddly alone by a grave, nd dey woz captivated by my massive VIOLET eyes dat seemingly sparkled tru d nitesky.. Dat person woz d only honest nd tru person dat I met in my life up til dis point ( D BEGINNIN OF D STOREY) nd all my life grewing up I d orphangae nd fostar homes I always remembered dis persan wit happynis but a little sadness noing dat d only good I experienced in my life was a stranger!! But u guyz d last ting I want was for ne ppl to feel sorry for me I am not luking for fukn sympathy ok!!

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one day d owners of d orphanage Mr.Dursley cam to tel me dat dey had found my tru family nd dat seemingly I had been misplaced at birth nd dat I woz being sent to live wit dem from now on.

I couldtn believe it! I had finally found my tru family after years of being shunted frm foster family to family. Now I had a chance to forget my wretching past nd move on from my live for real.

I went to pack my things (btw it didn't take long bcos I had so few tings of my self. In d suite case I packd my cloths nd fotogrpahd of my friends from d orphanage which I wud never forget dey had been such gud friends to me!!just thinking about how much this life might def change I begin to cry limpid tears down my face in sadly.

"Miley why are you cryn?" asked my bff4l Persephoney confused. (btw all my friends call my miley becos I forget to mention dat apparently in d orphanage most of d kids were abused) oh nd AUTHOR NOTE dis is nutin to do with Miley Cyrus OK!!1 TEAM SELENA!!

"Im just overcame with emotions!" I exclaimed. "I finally get d chance to meet my real family for real but it means saying goodbye to all of my friends here for ever!2

"At least we'll hav d Jonas Brothers!" she shouted suicidally.

Then a lot of other things happened nd be4 long I was on d bus to Forks wit my last conversation wringing in my mind.

"But where am going?" I asked Mr.Dursley reportedly as I berthed the bus away from my old life forver. I wasn't listenin to him properly becuz I was weepign

"You are going….." he pawsed, looking at me strangely…. ' to a small-town called FORKS!!'

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While I was on d busright I listened to d Jonas Brothers on my walkman (btw dis storey isn't set in d nineties u guyz dis is just to illastrate how poor d heroine seemingly is ok!!)

The soothing music was stil playing when d bos came to Forks.I looked out the window rejectedly nd almost choked on d M&Ms peanuts I was formally eating.

Walking down the sidewalk swiftly was a boy who's gaze porced me like a arrow. He looked exactly like Joe Jonas except he woz much palar and he had red hair and his face was differant. H was walkng along d pavement wid d collar of his tan expansive jacet up wid his hands moodily in his pockets and he was staring at the pavement refusing to eggknowledge d world. sumting in him touched my soul itself and be4 i realose waht i was doing i raced after him dilligently my felines for him were so strong.

"Excuse me!!1 I said extrusively.

"What does thou think u art doing?" he returted angrily.

"Um hi..?' i began but before I could continue in that vain he gasped.

His marzipan eyes grazed at me in shock. I could see him tanking in my long silky blond hair down to the middle of my back. I was wearing a lite blue tennisdress what showed off my porcine skin. ( btw In the orphanage we didnt have much money for cloths so I made my own cloths and all d other kids that were my friends cloths too. Since everybody wanted to be my friend I made all these cool clothes just from one kneedle and thread. i guess u cud say im kinda talanted like zoe 101 cept no baby lol!!)

Edwrard's coal-black eyes trained on mine and I looked back with my massive VIOLET EYES which entrapped him, only pausing when my soft black eyelashes what framed my eyes swept down when i blinked ok!!

"Can i help thou?" he esquired lowly. His foreign accent was super sexah I cudnt help reflect how much he looked like a cross between zac efron nd joe jonas only wit foxy hair however this strangely seemed only to highlite his beauty.

before i could answar him his butterscotch eyes roled back in his skull and he gripped d table wid his nuckles.

"R U OKAY?2 i gasped sexahly.

"Fine dear maiden, " he muttered at d top of his lungs.

"I was wondaring if you could help me find d house of my long lost family?" I asked fondly.

Edward seemed intrigrated by my problems.

"Surely, " he retorted kindly.

B4 LONG WE ARRIVD A D HOUse of my fam.

"im nervous"' i exclammed, but Ed held my hand wid his strong maskuline other hand.

"ooooo this is SOS don wana secand guess, tis is the finak line its true, i gv my har to yo now ur torn in two an i ct find d othr haf...its lik im walkn in broken grass!!111" he sang to me beautifully and den my eyes filled up with tears cos it was so meaningfull and cos i knew we were falling in love/

but den his eyes rolled back agn and he gripped th table evn tighter until it cracked dwn d middle and he started to smell me and then i wos worried cos i had no deoderant bcuz we are so poor in the orphnage and dnt afford showers but it was ok cos i am naturally clean and then he growled "blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!"

and i was like wtf and den his eyes turned back to theyre natural orange colour and then he was lik forget about it and i didna believe him but then we were there and i ran amazingly up to th door and a man opened it and he had the same VIOLET eyes as me so i knew it was my real father OMFG!!

and den ed was like "wait a min i recognise those violette eyes too...OMG..."

and den i was crying tears of love and CHARLIE was crying too and then we were hugging but ed was STARING over his shoulder at somethin else and i turned around in the hug and it was this minging mog who ad just fallen over. and was bleeding cos she was so clumsy and den ed started to eat her blood and i was disgusting by it.

"wTF is goin on in dis crazuh-house" i shotted at Ed under my breath.

'Miley dis is ur sistar Bella, I see uv met her finance Edwart alreddy!!' exclammed Charles.

**I CUDNT BELIEVE IT THAT THE GUT WHO WAS MY SOLE MATE WAS ENGGED TO MY NEW SISTER WAS WAS REALLY CRAP WHATS THAT ABOUT LIKE?!**

i contracted myself together and then punched bella in the face and jumped into my bike and went really realy reallt really fast but then ed jut walked next to me not even out of breathe and started to sing to me again and i try not to listen but the notes go in under my skin and he sang "your hot, im cold, u go aroung like you know, you i am, but im not. youve got my on my knees" (BTW this has REVELANCE for later, this is a real song but remeber dat he said he was cold, k!"

so then i sank to my knees in love and then his lips were moving towards mine at the speed of light and then he mauled on to me and it was amazing and sexily i kissed him back and then he wrapped his around me but then all of a sudden...

"WHAT THE FUCK R U GUYZ DOING YOU SHITHEADZ!!1!!"

Me nd Ed terned around sexily. Ed expelled a gasp .

It woz ……. RENNESSMEE!!


	2. Chapter 2

**BTW AUTHOR NOTE its importont to know in dis chptr that rennesmee is a baby vampire werewold in-case u havent read d books ok!!**

rensme loped moodily up to us and she looked just like a cros between selena gomy nd nick jonas that i inhalded abruptly under my breth!! and i looked at edward nd i cud tell he was thinkn the same thing at the back of his hed. bcos he had this sexah expresiion lik he was contemplative r sumtin ok. now one thing u hav to know is that gwowin up on a orphanage, we never were taught manners, so i just said strate out, 'wtf are u?' but she cudnt answew me bcos she had morphosed into a werewolf obv. now, i knew that it was still her bcos u cud tell by the way she was looking at us dat she was relly relli pissed off, and she had a hedache cos she swered obv, (so dont flame me 4 swerin ok)

who hath this fucktard be? edmund hath kiss this simpleton now tho he hath know he want her blooooood!!111?! thou ist a bretrayal 2 the crest of 'rene!!' **RESPECT DA FAMILYYY!!**1. this lowly tramp llooklike exactly a tranfer btwen miley cyrus nd lil mama ok.

(now renesme didnt say all dat outloud lik, but sum of it she did)

I dudesed to go 2 jacobs mantion in LA PUSH 2 deescuss d new vampire n DA FAMILYYYY!!1

I stormed into LA PUSH, d strongheld of d werewolfs in forks with a pissed off expresson on ma face.

"MAMA MIA!" exulted Jacob "whatsa matter you, rennessmee??"

I shapeshafted back in2 my humanoid form at the speed of sound and punched him in d face.

"what the FUCK jacob!" i exulted spastically "i just caugt some BROAD wearing d face off EDMUND and im not happy about to TO SAY D LEASE!!

"why you gotta talka so mean??2' jacob retorts in his sexah native american accent.

Suddenly Emily runs into 'the room with a massive bowel of pasta, d packs fav food . D pasta was in d traditional penne style nd to say d lease it dident last long with a pack of hungrY werewolfs around. Pasta was full of carbyhydrates which we need to morf successfully. Obviously d nutrocious pasta reminded me of Edwart and I began to cry werewolf tears of boiling water which sizzled seductively.

"Ay mon," exclammed Jacob "Don no worry bout a ding!"

I smiled at Jacob reassurededly as I knew he would sort everthing out for the better. and noing if he didnt i WOULD KICK THEIR HEADS IN TO SAY THE LEASE OK!!

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tHE Second Rennesmee ran off I turned to Ed with a devilish grin.

"who was that??" i shouted angrily.

I couldnt believe my eyeballs. Some minging randomer had just metamorfed before my face!!

"What's the problem?" sobbed Carlisle.

"Wtf did you come from?" I exulted compassionately.

"Never mind that now thou. Come with me!" He explored us.

I turned to Edward like wtf is this guy and he just roled his eyes at me like gimme a break alrdy.

Seemingly I had only been in Forks two days and all this random shizz was occurring up in my face. it was really traumatuc to be witnossing some rly mysterical things with no explonations. So far I had been reunionised with my lost family, fallen in loev with a mysterical stranger who was financed to my minging sister and been shouted at ba aggressive werewold baby. I literally had no clue what was coming next but if the orphanage had teached me one thing.

Edwart grabbed my hand specially and imploded me with his eyes to trust him.

"This is my father Carlisle' he explonned.

my face was in a twirl to say the least, contemplating on all these turrible occurances but one look into Edward's clear black eyes filled my heart with tears inew our love would get us thru d wilderness.

"There's someone I want thy to meat " he whispered.

"Ok as long as its not Bilbo bagguns!!' I joked

Ed found dis hilurious and his laff echoed tru d forest.

"**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH** no its alice

END OF CHPTR 2


	3. mah best chapter yet!

**AUTHOR NOTE; hey yal if any1 is wondaring why rennesmee is so aggressive in mah storey den u shud know u would be too if u was a normal girl trapped in a baby body ok!!dat wud be sum freaky shit ok maybe not i dunno i never experianced it maybe it wud be cool but i doubt it ok!!**

Carlyle ran off into teh distance upruptly.

i just looked at Ed like, this is sum crazy shitright here but he looked me deep in the eye and began to croon vicariously "ooooh... when you look me in teh eye, and tell me there's no lie... oh it feels like heaven" he was an even better than all of d jobros combined and yes i mean the bonus jonus too!!

I was so distracted by his vicarious singing that i didnt even realise that he had put me on his back and we were running through the forest at d speed of thunder as I was encaptured by his limpid mustard eyes.

"i need to know the truth, just tell me strate wtf are yhoo/??/" i say menacingly.he lookes at me and i can visibly notice his pain , suffering and exultance. it is such a rush of emotion, like on a rollercoaster where all the loops are feelings ok?

and then he says...

"im a vamp hayley, i always hav been. the boy thou hast fallen in love with doesnt exist ok!!"

i stumbled away sexily, as the shok ran ovr me, lik a train over tracks.

i luked at him, and lukily i remembered my amazing singin voice, what evryone always said was amazing. 'i gotta say say wats on my mind, sumthin about us, doesnt seem rite today, renneseme keps getting in the way. ..." i sounded so like vannesa huge-ens that he looked around to see if she was there or what.

" can thoust accept me 4 what i hath become?? i know you must be burning up with FAQs?"

so many FAQs were in my mind.,

"Do u die from a steak?" I asked belligerantally.

Legend, he said with a gentle LOL

"Turn into a bat?" I continued fruriously.

LMAO, he chuckled.

"A/s/L?' I asked cathartically.

"17, Mail, Forks." he replied swiftly.

"How long have you been 17?' i reported.

"A WHILE...

"tELL ME!' I EXCLAMMED. "how long edward?'

"About fourteen years." .

"well den tell me... what makes u a vampire??" I gasped

a jenuine luk of pain travelled across his face at warp speed. his whole face contorted with emotione.

"I will tell you my painful story' he promised dilligently. "I come from a distant place... i was beamed down many moons ago in a lonally cornfield. my race died out in the eightys. i have lived many lives but i have never incountered a girl like you.I was killed by my lover who betrayed me so many years ago. now i am cursed to haunt this place until I can cross over to the other side. my body is composed of extoplasm which i trail wherever i go... i can never touch another human being... and i am **IN LOVE WITH YOU MILEY**!!'

I woz majorly pissed at dis point. I felt like our hole relationship was based on nuting but lies and dezeit.

"Pull over!' I shouted. 'I'm getting out!'

Edwart seemed shocked by my volcanous moodswing.

I slammed the door of the mercedes Guardian gently and stormed off down the road quaintly. I needed some time to think about all of this crazy shit dat was occuring. you would need time to ok!!

I decided to return to my family. It seemed like weeks ago taht i had been intaduced to Charlie and Bella. I found dem waiting on d porch worriedly with a look of dismay on his face.

"Miley wtf were you?? asked my Dad concern.

Bella looked at me with a totally dopey look in her face. she seemingly was drooling slightly. she was a total minger but she woz my sister and I LOVED HEr.

i genuflected that I had just been ready to throw away d respect of my sister for sum random guy from d eightys!! (Edward)

Charlie put an arm around me concurdedly and we go into the small but derelict house.

"Miley, ah must tell u that ahv been waiting for dah day we would be reunionised all my life!' he exclammed. "Every day for the past twelve days i have wondared waht became of my most beautiful daughtar.

Bella offered to show me to my room. Nonforcibly, I was sharing with her.

Bella's room was filled with deprossing emo pictures nd stuff. she was wearing a lycra like black square round her midriff wit smaller strings holding it up 1 on each shoulder. she was also waring a piece of denim rapped around her waist like a fabric towel. she was wearing a DENIM dressvto her knees. for shoes she was wearing pumps with a ten inch heel at the back and i couldnt help considering taht probs have the reason she was so clumsy were dese ridulous shoes. She looked like a complete minger.

"U look rly good.' I said.

"Rly?' she asked?

"Yah rly.' I retorted.

I knew we wud be bff. I put my bag down in da corner nd she showed me a drawer I cud put mah stuff in. I knew I was going to have a crazy life in Forks!!

she also had an afro.

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--BACK AT D WEREWOLF LAYER IN LA PUSH--

Mike Newt couldn't belove it when I told him about dis new gurl in Forks.

"WTF??' he exclammed when i told him taht seemingly Bella had a long lost sister.

"I know wtf too.' i agreed. (btw for all d readrs who don understand right now we are seeing d storey frm rennesmee's poit of view, otherwise nown as POW look it up)

We need to do sumthing about this new development" Jacob said with a devilish groan.

Mike and me morfed directly into wolves and threw shapes to Bella's house in Forks.

'U look rly gud' we heard a miraculus voice say. It was that bitch last scene snogging Edwart but now she speaks to Bella eloquently. They seemingly were friends what I found amazing since Edward had betroyed Bella by falling in love with Miley.I was intrigrated by this turn of events and leaned closed to the window to observe what was occurring. Unforcibley for me, Mike beside me was taking up all teh room up in teh tree and I could hardly see in the window.

"Wtf Mike" i exclammed, "Move the f over!!'

His gaze was entrapped by Miley. He was storing at her giant violet eyes like she was taylor swift or sumthing.

"I... I think Im in love!" he mentioned at the top of his lungs!!

I couldnt fuckn belive it. WHAT A CRAZY TURN OF EVENTS!!

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**ALRIGHTO i think dis chapter was pretty gud yar?? i bet yu were surprised by da ending ok dunno bit i essume so!! alright if u guys got any requests for farther chapters den let me no il tink about it ok!!no lemons iok maybe but not yet hahahahahaa!!**


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